What I wish I could avoid at all cost.

Day three of Blog Every Day in May is to talk about something that makes you uncomfortable. Well yet again this blog challenge has flummoxed me, how is that possible – it’s only day three and it’s the second post that I’ve struggled with. Eek, this shows me that I maybe need to open up more on this blog and probably just write  stuff more often. Rather than banging on about my favourite things or the more superficial things. Hm it’s definitely something to think about I think – just maybe not right now. Instead let’s get down to the business of writing about what makes me uncomfortable. There are a few things I could have chosen for this, but after thinking about it properly I realised that a lot of the things that make me uncomfortable are all linked and related to the point I’m going to talk about more fully – being the center of attention. I just can’t stand it – I feel uncomfortable, I don’t know what to do with myself and I just don’t enjoy it.

This happened recently when my work peeps organised cake and presents around my desk. Cue lots of people all focused right on me. I couldn’t deflect, I couldn’t focus on them, I had to let this twenty minutes of chatter be about me. And it wasn’t bad it was lovely, but I hate that initial oh gosh this is all about me, what if I do something awful and embarrassing?! In reality I had a lovely time with these friends who are all lovely. However that doesn’t stop the feeling I get when I’m in a situation like this, where the focus is on me. Argh I really did not like it – I can’t help but look around for someone else to bear the brunt of the attention for me. It’s weird I know and probably not something that most other people are concerned about but I think it comes from being a twin, as all my life there’s always been another person to share those attention focused moments with – I never had a birthday party that was all about me, or started in a new situation by myself. And I’m pleased about that, but I suppose it’s only logical that that will have had an impact on me, to be fair not liking attention is actually a really small issue I suppose. I’d rather be that way than be over the top and constantly seeking attention. I know people like that and often they can come across needy and ‘me, me, me’ – neither of which are traits I’m keen to have.

However in reality I should find a way to get better at dealing with attention, so that I don’t get so uncomfortable. I fear that this is something that I’ll never really be comfortable with, but there’s no harm in trying to better and improve myself, especially when it’s probably just a case of mind over matter.

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